Not dying, living
by SammyW16
Summary: Sakura left Japan one night with just a note. She goes to NYC where she hopes no one will find her. Why though? Partly based off of Rent. Summary sucks. Read if you're interested.
1. Chapter 1

**I came up with this story after watching Rent. So after some brainstorming I figured out where I want to go with it. The characters are mostly ones I created, but don't worry there are still the originals. It's going to be sad and realistic so don't look here if you want happy and funny. Enjoy.**

She sat there holding her Styrofoam cup of coffee. It was her third cup in the last five minutes. She was nervous. She was nervous about being in this city that she had never been to before and not knowing anyone there. Not to mention that of all places to meet new people she had to come _here_. She wanted to just run out of the room, slam the door, and catch the next flight back to Japan, but she knew she wouldn't do that. She couldn't face them for once. She then, as she often did during the day, began mentally beating herself up for being so foolish and naïve.

She hadn't told anyone she was leaving. She just left a note explaining why, and then drove herself and some of her belongings to the airport. At first she hadn't known where to go. England had sounded nice, but then she realized that she knew people there even if it had been years since she talked to them. Hong Kong was her next pick, but she knew she couldn't face him. He was already disappointed in her for one thing and if he found out about this, well he would just be crushed. She couldn't do that to him. Finally, she decided she would pick a place where she knew no one she knew could find her—New York City. Sure it was a cliché, hopping on a plane and flying all the way to New York to start a new life, but hey it worked! Once there she rented out a cheap apartment in Brooklyn and gotten a job as a court reporter. It wasn't the most glamorous life, but it worked for her. As long as she got her medicine and bills paid she would be fine just fine. Nothing could bring her down. Or that was what she had thought until she had a breakdown one night after work. A breakdown that was so bad the ambulance had to come to her house and talk her out of shooting herself.

The doctors at the hospital recommended she seek help. Since she didn't have enough money to see a shrink three to four times a week she looked to group therapy. Oh how fun this was going to be. All of these people just sitting around the talking about their problems and how it sucks to be them. Oh yes, this would indeed be loads of fun.

The group leader walked into the room then. He cleared his throat and the people talking silenced. They knew the drill.

"Welcome everyone. I hope your week has been fine. I see we have a new face joining us today," he said, looking her up and down in a friendly way. "Care to tell us your name and why you're here with us?"

All of a sudden, she wanted to lie about her name and her past. Lie about everything that had ever happened. She wanted to live a lie and be someone, anyone but herself. She wanted to so bad, but when she opened her mouth the truth came tumbling out of her.

"Sakura Kinomoto. I'm from Japan so my name may sound unique to you, but it's really quite common over there."

"Nice to meet you, Sakura," everyone greeted.

"Now tell us why you're here," the leader urged.

"I think you already know why," she whispered, not wanting to push the subject any farther.

"Yes, but saying why helps us to accept the fact faster," he smiled.

Sakura sighed deeply. This guy wasn't going to give up on her and it seemed like no one else was going to either.

"I'm here because I made a bad choice and I ended up getting AIDS," she said quickly.

"Good," the leader urged. "It's a start. Here though we prefer saying we're HIV positive or that we have the Human Immunodeficiency Virus."

"It helps make the disease not look as terrifying," the woman on her right to her said. The woman looked to be her forties and Sakura thought she looked awfully similar to her late mother.

Sakura found herself wondering what her mother thought about her now. Was she ashamed of her? Could dead people even be ashamed? Did she still love her? Did she wish she could have done something to stop her from spiraling out of control?

"Alright let's begin. I'm Jake," the leader said, interrupting Sakura's thoughts.

"Christina," a skinny blonde hair girl with big blue eyes said. She looked a few years older then Sakura.

"Bill," a bald man in his forties said.

"Tom," an African American man who resembled the one on Law and Order said.

"Maggie," the woman next to Sakura said.

Sakura looked around the room at all of them again. All were different, yet they all had at least one thing in common. They were dying. It was a hard fact, but it was true. There was no way they could win this fight.

Jake looked at Sakura. She looked back at him, right in his eyes. She knew he was going to make her speak.

"Tell us why you're here, Sakura."


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it's taken me awhile to update. I have a busy life. Anyway thanks for the reviews. Here's the second chapter. Enjoy.**

The group looked at Sakura patiently to here her story. She knew she would have to do this. Still, even knowing so hadn't prepared her. She took a deep breath, but before she could start the door in the back opened.

Another girl briskly walked into the room. She had raven black hair that looked somewhat long, but it was hard to tell because she had it bunched up in a ponytail. She was also somewhat short, but wore high heels to make up for that. Her eyes were an almond red and she looked to be Chinese. However, what Sakura noticed most about her was her smile. That smile reflected happiness in a time of depression.

"Sorry I'm late," the girl said taking a seat next to Jake. "I got caught in a traffic jam. Big surprise there. Did we start already?"

Jake nodded and then spoke, "Sakura this is May Li. May this is Sakura."

"Oh we have someone new! Sorry, I didn't…oh my Lord, Kinomoto," the girl's mouth dropped.

"Meiling?" Sakura said alarmed.

Sakura's mouth gaped open. She hadn't heard from Meiling since fifth grade! Syaoran had told her that Meiling moved, but had never said how or why. Her family had just left without a trace. Now, for the first time in over a decade she was seeing her at an HIV support group. Which wasn't exactly the best place in the world. Sakura silently hoped that Meiling hadn't reconnected with Syaoran recently.

"Actually, it's just May now. It's a long story. I'll tell it to you sometime. Anyway how the hell are you? I haven't seen you in like ten years!"

"I've been better."

"Sakura was just about to tell us that, weren't you?" Jake asked, trying to get back on topic.

"Oh, sorry. Don't let me stop you. Go ahead," Meiling/May replied.

Sakura's mind flashed back to when she was just seventeen years old. She was at some random boys party with Rika. It was Sakura's first party, but one of Rika's many. Rika had the impression of being a nice, sweet, innocentgirl, but once the sun set, Rika would go wild. Not many people knew about this, but Sakura did that night. Syaoran wasn't present, but Sakura had been with him at the time. They had been together for awhile then, but he was in China seeing his mother. Sakura was depressed so Rika had thought that she would let her in on a secret way to feel better. And it wasn't just the party idea. One of the boys handed Rika some powder, and Rika quickly put it in something that looked like a shot. She then took Sakura's arm and injected her with it.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked, all too late.  
"I'm helping you out!" Rika protested, "you'll feel better in a minute. I promise."

Sakura was still naïve then and had believed Rika. Later she was smiling, dancing, and having a good time. She also had an energy boost from this miracle thing. This was truly the time when Sakura was the most naïve and innocent. Rika had told her the next day that even though it wasn't exactly legal, it was still a safe way to loosen up. Since Rika was her friend, Sakura had believed her. For the next year and a half she used this way to perk herself up without telling anyone. Sakura even thought that she would be using it for the rest of her life. That was until the day Tomoyo had found out.

Both Sakura and Tomoyo had been having a shitty day. Both were loaded with homework and were stressed about finding what college to go to.Not to mention that they were worried about their boyfriend or crush at the time. Sakura was also pissed because the price for her goods had gone up. She let that slip and Tomoyo asked what she was talking about. Sakura had tried to act like it was nothing, but Tomoyo urged her. Reluctantly, Sakura had given in, but made Tomoyo promise to not tell. Tomoyo of course was shocked.

"Do you know how bad that is? Did you not learn anything in health class?"

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing! I've been doing this for over a year and nothing has happened! I could quit if I wanted to!"

"Then quit now!"

"I said if I wanted to."

Tomoyo had then grabbed Sakura's purse and searched through it until she found what she needed. She then grabbed it and held on to it with dear life.

"_Give me that back!"_

"_No."_

"_I need it though!"_

"_I thought you said you could stop whenever you wanted to."_

"_I can."_

"_Sure, aren't acting like you can."_

"_Tomoyo, give it back! Look, I'm not addicted to it! I'm not some crazy drug addict!"_

"_Really, then who are you then?"_

"_Your best friend."_

"_As am I," Tomoyo said walking off._

Sakura felt a pang in her chest. She missed her best friend. Things hadn't been the same between them in years though. Their friendship was probably dead now since she had left Japan.

"Are you alright, Sakura?" Jake asked.

"What? Oh sorry, I was just remembering," Sakura said.

"Remembering what?" May asked.

"The first time I did heroin."

"Ouch, never a good memory," Christina, the another girl, nodded.

"You mean...you did…"

"Yeah pretty much. So how'd it happen?"

Sakura sighed one last time, then went into her story about how she had tried heroin. When she was done everyone looked at her with sad eyes. These eyes though weren't full of pity, but an understanding of what Sakura was going through.

"I spent six months in re-hab until I was clean. Though it was just recently that I found out I was infected," Sakura finished.

"Does Syaoran know?" May questioned.

Sakura held her breath. She hadn't plan on going into this. Not now or ever.He was the past and she didn't ever want to facehim again.

**That's it for right now. It might take me awhile to get more chapters up, but be patient and I'll eventually finish this. Hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to review! **


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